things i meant to write about this week but never got around to [pt 2]

7] driving away from school with jack on the last day, listening to "photograph" as loud as we could stand
8] attempting to dye my hair back to a normal, respectable redhead color, and ending up with the most unexpected shade of blonde, that i'm trying to find a way to live with.

and more things i can't remember.
it would pay for me to write these things
down as they happen, but i don't.

starving, hysterical

"i didn't lose my job, it's not like 'oops, where did it go!?'-- I QUIT"

this doesn't quite describe things, but it made me feel a little better at the end of the night.
right on the verge of celebrating three years of employment in one place - the longest amount of time i've stuck with anything, voluntarily - this morning's silly little day dream came true. when i was laying in bed this morning i thought about the way things i could go at work this week. either somebody was going to buy our store, and there would be this renewed vigor and anticipation for the late-summer busy season. or, someone would buy our store and we'd all be out of a job.

well the dice have been rolled, the calls have been made.
the rules have changed, and i'm out of a job.

i mean i'm not the only one, and i know i don't have any right to whine, but earlier this afternoon i sat on the conveyor belt at work next to allison, in a little supervisors-only meeting with our manager as she told us the news we had all been expecting but hoping against, and i managed to hold up for a little while until i realized the full implications of this. my work-home, my constant, my memories, my source of simultaneous amusement and dissapointment- my job- was gone. this doesn't happen to people my age, does it?
this happens to people who risk everything in uncharted waters. this have never even happened to my parents. this is all-new, and frankly it sucks.

so i don't know what happens right now- i've got a job for nine weeks, maybe. after that i'm back where i was three years ago. some scraggly looking kid in corduroys and a thift-store t-shirt, looking for a job.